Paranoid .. me ?

There has been many a night duty when I was on my own dealing with stranger rapes, murder scenes and serious GBH and robberies , yes I was a trainee detective but at the time I was also a substantive constable , does making me a trainee detective mean I forget all my coppering skills ? Do I suddenly forget the law and what to do ?

No of course not. Do all my managers and supervisors then all disappear ? No they do not , all reachable on the phone , radio and there are contact desks’ , uniformed inspectors with decades of experience are all at hand. Investigations are not haphazard affairs, there are investigation plans, reviews and are subjected to supervision on a regular basis by supervisors and crime management units (*cough)

But don’t worry while I am working hard away don’t forget we have the eyes and ears looking out for you on the streets’

I cannot speak for all detectives work load I can only refer to my own , I have at any one time 20 + investigations ongoing, they will range from fraud offences to serious GBH’s. Working an allocated 40 hour week, I also have to deal during the week with arrests that come from the general police teams that make an arrest that fall into the CID remit. ( what ever home office target is this month) be that theft of motor vehicles, burglary’s or theft of a pedal cycle !

I worked that out as given each of my 20 crimes just 1 hour a week would count for half my weeks shift leaving 10 hours to deal with just one prisoner is arrested,
Do you really believe an entire borough workforce would make just one serious crime arrest a week ? Well no. I would deal with about 2 arrests a day on top of my workload the average time I have worked out is 15 hours to deal with a serious crime where an arrest has been made before putting the case to the CPS a disposal decision.

Anyone care to work out the math how much time that gives me to investigate your crime ?
That’s why CID investigations take months, its not perfect but I get results.

He then starts to make small talk, how I am, how is life, my workload and other non committal stuff, he is starting to make me edgy by this banter. I wait for the “just one more thing before you go … ” remark.

“Sign this would you please?” he toss’s over across the desk a familiar looking orange docket that bears my name, it comes to a stop at my hand.

Glancing sideways I look for the hidden DPS spook, nope none in sight, a trickle of sweat drips down my back winding its way to my underwear, which I suspect is going to be full soon.

But no.. As I open the docket I see a magical phrase ” Detective constable TBL “.

It’s done! I am signed off. I am now a proper ‘techo.

Time to put the feet up, large it up, read the paper and shout at the lids!

(* Above remark is flippant)

oh and now I owe the DCI a very large and expensive drink at the next office “meeting”.

Civilian staff can perform many duties better than police officers, a review by Sir Ronnie Flanagan claims.

What duties would these be Ronnie ?

Doing case papers? … That get lost at court.
Administration ? … Meaning we have to fill out a book to get a shirt or a pen.
Front desk? … Giving wrong legal information to the pubic
Taking statements? … That don’t contain even the points to prove let alone make sense.

Or perhaps the eyes and ears as CSO’s …

Watching kids drown and locking them self’s in a room when a 13 year old shouts at them

No Ronnie, what’s needed is fair pay and free reign to get back to doing what we do best, catching criminals and putting them to court.

What’s failed is the court, putting the criminals away.

That’s what the public despair about.

Why is that ?

Oh right, lack of prison space, because officers are catching so many

Despite to say I got someone to “borrow” a white baseball cap for me that I will sell on ebay for my £ 250 .

Sorted.

Oh and one for this old boy ! Quality

As we push in to 2008, how many more incidents like this I wonder ?